Confidence is a Key

[...] Get more useful information by subscribing for free to the RSS feed. Let's dig in.Over on your second favorite blog, I wrote about confidence. But instead of writing, I decided to shoot you a little video. Go check [...]

This video makes me feel stupid. Audio is missing … I think.

omg, I feel like this was made for me. I lack self confidence, mostly due to to a lower self esteem, which is due to a crappy upbringing. LOL Hey, at least I KNOW my problems. I tend to be very negative of myself and even with constant praise from others, I don’t feel deserving. I’ve been working on it really hard the past few months…it’s hard for me.

Chris. Love this.

Would you agree discipline is vital? Setting small goals and then not achieving them (however small) can be as detrimental to confidence, as achieving them would be (or more so).

The way past this is discipline. I’d be interested to know how you organise goals. Is it just, write them down then stick them to a wall? Or is there more structure behind that?

That inner voice is a confidence killer for sure. I often try to shut down the inner ramblings in my head by shifting to what’s happening in my gut. What I sense in my gut always trumps the noise in my head, when I let it. Often the head noise is just too freaking loud though.

This is terrific advice and I really liked how you talked about confidence stretching you. When you aren’t confident or take too much on and feel like you are disappointing people, you can literally feel yourself shrinking and shriveling. Stretching is way better!

Chris, I totally agree on this.

Forgetting the internal critic is huge, but I find that silencing the exterior voices is the hardest part. The Tiger Woods example is great.

Many people seem to have your best interest in mind, but sometimes they miss what you are trying to accomplish for yourself.

It is simply a mis-match of goals. This could be your family or loved ones.

The easiest way to solve this is to get everyone on the same page.

/shakingfist@lizardbrain!

what kind of camera are you using?

Chris,

Spot on. My key to confidence is a take-off on Lexus’s slogan “The Relentless Pursuit of…” except each time I chance the last word. It’s never “perfection.” For example, right now, it’s “Engagement.” How can I better engage with my network? How can I show my network how to better engage? And I’ll pursue that – through the negatives, through the setbacks, with little victories along the way.

Relentless.

Thank you for sharing your confidence, Chris.

Thanks for the reminder – good things to focus on as I begin the new year!

[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Chris Brogan, ACowboysWife, Cole Watts, Chris Eh Young, Morgan {The818.com} and others. Morgan {The818.com} said: It probably goes without saying but @chrisbrogan is a pretty smart dude. http://ow.ly/3vLpn #ConfidenceIsKing [...]

Chris is right: Confidence is rocket fuel for your life.
In business, it gives you the outlook that ‘there’s enough to share’ … kills scarcity think.
In sales, it gives you punch and power
In all efforts, it gives you the ability to take chances

Tim Sanders

I agree that it’s impossible to be “confident” if you can’t master your own demons (and angels). But just like people who come here, watch this and then leave with a little lift, confidence can be helped along by others.

This is born out time and time again in our Weekly Leader podcast where leaders like Admiral Thad Allen, ING Direct CEO Peter Aceto, HP Labs Principal Scientist Nina Bhatti, ex-Google Assistant General Counsel Miriam Rivera and many others have shared with us their leadership experiences including where and who they turn to for support and confidence building.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts here. Maybe someday we can get you on Weekly Leader too!

Chris confidence is what separate the successful people from the procrastinators..and your making things happen..keep it up in 2011 bro..

“Black Seo Guy “Signing Off”

You know, I read somewhere once that a study was done of Fortune 500-type CEOs and it was determined that MOST of them suffered from lack of confidence and an inhibiting fear that someone would discover them for the frauds they felt they were – but of course were not! If the successful heads of successful corporations and nations struggle with confidence then I’m in good company.

Thank you for this post and thank you all for this website.

Take a page from Nike and “Just Do It.” Best way to build confidence is to start something, try different angles, fail, succeed, learn. For every detractor you have a fan…do it for yourself and do it for your fans. Just start.

These are such simple and yet powerful tips and tools that we all need to learn and often re-learn as we go through life. I work with career changers and for many of them it is the internal and external voices that prevent them from taking the bold step out of a job they hate into a career they’ll love. I’ll be sending them over to watch your video, Chris!

your headshot profile picture is official. quite awesome…interesting post, I got the confidence down pat.

At last! Thanks for corroborating what I’ve been saying for the last few years!

There are heaps of strategies that people can employ to build confidence, and quieting those inner voices is a key part of it, as is seeing the proof of your ability and capability out there in the world.

Another strategy I employ all the time is to look at the roles you step into and the expectations you carry around with you. Stepping into roles that don’t work and having expectations about how things should be and what other people expect of you will only get you second-guessing yourself and wind up stripping your confidence.

I always define confidence as being able to choose your behaviour with implicit trust in that behaviour. Think about that for a second – you can choose your behaviour and trust yourself in the execution of that behaviour. Then trust your behaviour again. And again.

That’s not the same as trusting a specific outcome, and so it frees you up from the pressure (and fear) of success or failure and allows you to make choices, and continue to make choices no matter what life throws at you.

I like the idea of starting small and scaling up. A great way of not getting overwhelmed and gaining confidence, while accomplishing small feats towards your ultimate goal.

Great words Chris,

Silence the negative voices and build your confidence. Make the choice what you want, learn how to do it, experiment, practice and have the confidence to follow through. I agree 100% with your words Chris. When you perform these three steps you will, with time, master your goals.

The other word I would add (if I may Chris) is commitment. If you really want to become a master in what ever you choose you need to commit to it. You have to live and breath it. Make the commitment and follow through. Becoming the master in your own right. Once you make the commitment and believe it in your mind you’re well on your way to confidence and success.

I believe confidence and commitment go together.

Best regards,

bruceKgarber

For two years I had a three hour driving commute so I had time to think about many things and some of my thoughts were negative. So I challenged myself to speak out positive words about my day during my entire commute. The people driving next to me would wonder…. but hey the results were amazing. I was able to handle the most difficult situations with ease and this gave me peace.

Yea having people you love is nice to have on your extrinsic team. However, at the end of the day, even if you’re going to sleep next to someone, you’re going to sleep alone; just you and your conscience that is, and if you don’t give it your all and do the right thing, that voice will never go to sleep.

This is a great video. I struggle with confidence and the inner critic daily. I plan to try these techniques.

Well done, Chris. Thanks for another fantastic post. One revolution of the wheel at a time…small successes lead to increased confidence and bigger successes. Spot on. Of course, I’m a fan of an external coach as well as an internal coach. Wishing you and those you hold close and dear a new year full of good health, peace, joy, kindness and confidence.

[...] did a video post today about confidence.  As I watched it, I started thinking about how it relates to introverts.  Take four minutes to [...]

Chris

Confidence is the name of the game. Without it, you will never take the leap to do new things, try new things and be really really successful. Sadly most of the time what is sleeping next to me is my laptop and it tells me some pretty good and sometimes some pretty awful things.

In my life I have have really worked on the confidence. I know what I am capable of and where I need to build some more confidence in areas where I am unsure. We see the unsure in me. We see when I am having a rough time as I go silent. I am stuck in a place that is no mans land. Nothing gets accomplished except for learning from it.

Confidence, for me at least, is learning how to accept compliments. This year has been an amazing year for me socially. It is hard sometimes to really comprehend the praise as when I look in the mirror I see just me. Me is a good person for me to see. I like who me is, I like the drive and passion that I have in all that I do and I like the way that people like you talk about me (shows I am able to show to you all who I see in the mirror) .

My biggest challenge that I cannot seem to get past is my vanity issues. I am very held back by this as I will not do any vids if I do not like the way that my hair looks, if I think I look too tired, etc. So while I may be confident on the inside, the outside needs some work.

Love the vids so please keep em coming. And also, congrats on KTT moving to 1 hr after the new year. So stoked about that.

Hi Chris, Thanks for this! I have struggled with confidence for most of my life. I was sick as a child and my parents divorced when I was 5. Both of my parents and my mother’s partner had a big impact on my confidence, on a negative way.

Last year my confidence struggles impacted very heavily on my career, leading me to leave 2 jobs. I went to see a hypnotist to get some help and we worked together to get past the ‘confidence blocks’ that existed in my life. Nearly 6 months have passed since I stopped seeing this “spiritual shrink”. Confronting my early illness and the break up of my family, and resolving my fears/ blocks around success have really helped me. I still work on building my confidence every day.

I work hard to praise and support my kids to build their own confidence and self esteem. My journey has taught me that confidence is the key to success!

Thanks…

Very well said and extremely well done. Had to practice making your right hand go left and make the angle look perfectly uprising, or that was unplanned? Thank you for the perfect post to start the new year with a bang. Later Chris. ~Paul

Um. Um.

YES! Wow, I’m sure I’m not the only one who felt like you were talking right to them! Thanks for this, Chris, very inspiring and uplifting.

Oh, and P.S. the person who sleeps next to me at night *does* want the best for me. Sadly, he was raised by a rather negative, not-so-nice-all-the-time father who didn’t really believe in him. So it’s hard for him to be “rah-rah” for me. When I talk with him about business plans, I get a lot of “oh, well, don’t spend money on that” or “you aren’t profitable enough for X yet.” So yes, I’m having to learn to let his well-meaning comments NOT take the wind out of my sails. Sometimes easier said than done, but I’m getting there.

Very cool dude. Inspiring, quick and easy. Well maybe not easy, we all know how hard it is to feel like we’re making progress. Setting little goals in order to make it the bigger ones is definitely the way to make it.

Yes Chris… Long story short;
I began to start improving myself and building my confidence and courage one small “victory” at a time (starting with my total hip replacement surgery on Jan 22, 2010) just like you said.

I have made amazing accomplishments this past year! Funny how the critics who never cared or noticed me before are suddenly telling me that I’m only setting myself up for disappointing failures. My accomplishments have far outweighed my failures this past year!

To the critics? I feel real good about myself. glad I didn’t listen to the critics

Thanks Chris!

Gary.

Remarkable!!! Glad the Audio did not work the first time… The Universe was getting its ducks in a row… BEST VIDEO, BEST MESSAGE of the YEAR for ME… So, all I can say is a simple THANK YOU…. Best to ALL, Brian-

Chris, I just love the beard that you are growing. Your statements are so authentic especially when I consider the position you have expertly carved as a contemporary (human) branding specialist. I hope we reconnect personally this year when you are in town for SXSW. Hey wait a sec, are you coming to Austin this year? Hope so.

Steve

What a great way to end the year. Confidence means you believe in yourself and in the future–both critical to moving forward. Thanks for another great post…and more.

I’m really glad, Chris, that you brought up the fact that the people closest to us may not be the best confidence-builders in our lives. Small, private, victories leading to larger, public, victories! Confidence is completely enlivening and door-opening. Toastmasters is a place that helps me grow/focus my confidence – it’s very learn-something-new and process-oriented.

Confidence extends my reach. Which, in turn, extends the confidence of the people I come in contact with.

[...] got inspired by Chris Brogan’s video on Confidence: http://myescapevelocity.com/confidence-is-a-key // Share| This entry was posted in Business Coaching, Life Coaching and tagged Chris Brogan, [...]

Great idea “2011 to be the year of confidence”. For an over-thinker like myself, I do find it hard to silence that inner voice.
But thanks, Chris.

I’m going all “rah-rah” on my comment this go. Thanks for chunking out steps on building confidence. This is a great vid to help get me motivated for 2011. Silencing the negative noise is so key. Love the LEARN, EXPERIMENT, PRACTICE, MASTER mantra. Appreciate the share!

Confidence is an absolute necessary to achieve success. I like the idea of Hiring an Inner Coach. There are days I need to make cold calls to prospective clients and I can hear that inner critic yelling things that it make hard to pick up the phone. I have to take a deep breath listen to my inner coach tell my inner critic to go F himself and get to business.

Also, Chris I don’t mean this as a knock because I’m a huge John Wayne and Jeff Bridges fan but you have a very Rooster Cogburn thing going on right now visually. minus the eye patch.

Have a great 2011,

Ryan H.

Yeah I know what you mean about the outside voices – husband says, “I don’t know if you can do it.” so it makes me even more determined to do it, and on time. I’ll show him! LOL

Dead on Chris! Confidence is foundational to success and strong leadership. I love the part on “Silence the Noise”. For those working within medium to large organizations this part has one more step or source needing silenced. I go through an excercise roughly every three months I have always called “Eliminate the Noise”. In large organizations there is always some level of politics. I HATE politics. The politics builds up a level of Noise that can start to drag you down either due to wasteful tasks being created by your superiors due to the politics or by “Smoke and Mirrors” from peers trying to make a name for themselves without actually providing value. It can really start to impact productivity and focus. So when it starts to build to critical mass I block 4 hours to reflect on my teams progress to date and plans for the future reminding myself that all that other noise is just that – NOISE! My head clears and I can go back to focusing on the next success.

Its sort of like adjusting the old style radio dial to get the clearest signal without the static.

I found this very helpful. It is easy to overwhelm yourself about productivity
and to delude yourself about how much truly productive time is available.

I do kumon and I recently discovered that if I do my workbook after I do my yoga/Qi Dong regime my times are much faster so I am glad to see you mention working out and Tim Ferris has a 4-Hour Body book which I bought for my partner and it is great.

Merry merry to everyone.

hm

Great video, I have been telling people to “Just do it” for a while now. There is no sitting back and wasting time.

I love what you say about stretching and growing… it’s easier said than done sometimes. Thanks for the inspiration!

I still say you’re framing yourself wrong, however, other than that….

Paul, I love how you described relentless here and how you apply it to your every day life.

My inner critic is my best and worst enemy. Really appreciate the advice you shared because confidence is so important, but the road to building confidence isn’t always easy. As always, thanks for the great insight.

Hi Chris, your message reminded me of something I picked up on a course a few years ago ….the teacher said ‘one of the most important conversations you can have is the one you have with yourself, about yourself, when you are by yourself!’ While I have never forgotten the words … I haven’t always succeeded in remembering to apply them in my daily life, so thanks for this post. As of now, I’m working on putting all of what you shared into practice.

It seems to work for me. I get up early and get after it. Not to steal the “I do more before 9:00″ cliche, but the early bird sometimes gets the…wait…there I go again. I just think you need to channel that passion and go.

Thanks for posting this Chris. We often forget that “Rome wasn’t built in a day!” Small steps, bite-sized chunks are the key to success. I liked you Covey reference – hadn’t thought about his work in a while – private victories first, public victories second. Happy New Year.

Timely advice for starting the new year. Thanks Chris.

[...] Self Improvement [...]

True that. My own personal rome is tricky. : )

Quite true, Lavinia. That’s a great way of saying it, too.

Hope this helps a bit, Nikki. : )

You know I don’t care, right? I mean, I should, but I just enjoy trying it out. I feel like I was drowning in this shot. Like the lower part almost got over my mouth. : )

Productivity is a drug, I think. I think we can do a real lot of hard work and find that we’re not in the right part of the game.

You sound like you’ve got a great regimen going there, Helen Marie. : )

Isn’t that tricky? Politics are so annoying. I found that my only way to beat my way through them was to pretend they didn’t exist. And THEN, things went really well for me. Yes, that’s a bit of oversimplifying, but that’s how it felt.

Hah. So you show him, and that serves your desires. Great one! : )

I’m thinking of going out and vanquishing some bad guys. : )

I’m pretty happy that you liked it, Zena. thanks so much for the feedback. I’m glad that chunking it up helped. : )

Happy that it helped, Reid. I think that lots of people find great value in Toastmasters. My friend, Jack Vincent, just recently turned me back on to the idea of spending time at Toastmasters. Who knows? : )

True that, Mary. Glad that you shared. : )

I’m not planning to attend SXSW this year (at least so far), but we’ll see. : ) And if I’m coming, I’ll plan to see you.

Very kind, Brian. I’m happy to hear it, and I wish you the very best. : )

I’m so happy that you’re finding critics! That’s great! It means you’re successful and making people uncomfortable with it. : )

Well, we try. : )

I’m glad you’re getting there. You’re worth it. Totally and utterly worth it, Kimberly. : )

No, I totally had to practice it. I got it backwards once too, right? I mean the lower-left-to-upper-right kind of motion. I think I got it wrong at one point. But man, I keep trying. : ) Thanks for noticing that little detail.

That’s quite the story, Jason. Thanks for sharing it. What a great thing to understand and learn about how to manage that. Is that going well for you now? Are you finding that you have the tools you want in this case?

Interesting. Is there someone that repeatedly says something negative about your looks? Is there something that makes you link looks to your abilities? What’s your take?

Just tweeted this out. Thank you! : )

Kimberly, I live with the same type of person….I’ve had to learn to find support in other places and accept that his feedback is well-meaning, but otherwise not-so-helpful. Also, this has helped me to build my own internal self-confidence and not need to seek others propping me up. No one can make us feel confident – it has to come from within. I’m getting better at self-congratulation .

Thanks for sharing Chris! These are all good points to remember. The Covey reference about breaking things down into smaller private victories then taking them public resonates with me. I have so much I want to accomplish this year I need to keep in perspective I can’t do them all in a week =)

Thank you for the candidness, Chris. I’d kept my inner critic at bay for several weeks (just barely) but she took over last Wednesday and I’ve been trying to dodge her since. I’m adopting your ‘inner coach’ suggestion immediately and resolve to start 2011 on a positive note.

Actually no one has ever really commented about my looks in a negative way to me (but would they though?). I get beat up pretty bad on who I am on the inside (ie told bad person, stupid, ignorant, etc which has had the opposite effect as I am really confident inside). I do not necessarily link looks to ability but people are many times attracted to others initially by looks, so they treat them better. They will listen to them, pay attention to them enough to find out more about them.

I know that when I am suited up people treat me very differently than when I am in jeans and my JETS shirt. I garner so much more respect, conversation, treated better, etc when I am in a suit. I guess mostly I equate how people treat me to how I look. I have seen it happen to me, I have seen it happen with really attractive people and I have seen it happen to those that are not as attractive where they are ignored, dismissed, etc.

It is a big flaw and really holds me back. It is a work in progress to get past this. Baby steps for me here, baby steps.

Happy to help, Steve. Thanks for your thoughts back. : )

True that, Doctor Shalman. : )

Wow! I love that, Sabine. Thanks for sharing it. : )

I tend to think other people know more about what I’m doing than I do. I had another writer read my screenplay, “Mermaid Madness”. He said it was bad, because the lead character wasn’t likable. He told me not to submit it to producers.

I gave up on my script and threw it in a drawer. A year later I saw this same writer’s movie on TV. It was awful. B movie trash. I realized this guy knew nothing about script writing. I should never have listened to him. I learned my lesson. My confidence is renewed.

Good stuff! I agree, we have to start with ourselves and that inner critic which can limit us from being successful. I often get wrapped up in the things I don’t know how to do, instead of working at them and facing them head on. I have to remember that everyone has at one time NOT known how to do something and then they learn it . We are all learners, just at different stages. I think there is a fine line too, people should not confuse confidence with being arrogant. I firmly believe arrogance will limit one’s success.

Confidence for me means courage. “Courage is being scared to death – and saddling up anyway.” John Wayne

Chris!
This is my first visit to your site! (thanks to WhereIsJenny). OOOOOhhhh thanks for this video, i soooo needed to see this today! thank u thank u! I really want to change my life this year. Tired of fear ruling over me. *pops open a can of confidence juice*
Bless You!
-Kimmy

You know me, try to keep it real my CBizzy.

Well, if it’s distracting to me, it may be distracting to others that
are keeping it to themselves. But if you don’t care, I guess I shouldn’t
either…

Small private victories. Well said. Reminds me of how I understand they train a chicken to peck on a lever to get food. They don’t wait for the chicken to peck the lever. First they give a reward for looking toward the lever. Then they give a reward for taking a step toward the lever. You get the idea. So we should break our goal into small steps, accomplish each one, and celebrate our moving closer to the target. Thanks.

Thank you, Chris for these wise words! This is good for everybody. I have shared it with my daughters and my Facebook friends. I always try to impress upon people the power of our inner conversations. The negative ones are so powerful, but the positive ones can and do take us to higher heights. Although I believe this within every fiber of my being, we all need the reminder. Thank you so much.

[...] you have not viewed Chris Brogan’s confidence video on Escape Velocity, you may want to venture on [...]

Chris, this is one terrific video and pep talk for the new year.

This should be in your “keeper” list for people who want to hire you–it’s that good.

[...] your skills, and your ability to succeed — without becoming arrogant — is a good thing. Confidence is key. Never forget the people who have helped you increase your value along the [...]

[...] The lack of any of these can seriously hold you back – and coincidentally, straight after I recorded it I was checking my Google Reader and found this excellent video by Chris Brogan on the exact same topic: My Escape Velocity – Confidence is a Key [...]

[...] your skills, and your ability to succeed — without becoming arrogant — is a good thing. Confidence is key. Never forget the people who have helped you increase your value along the [...]

Confidence is something I’m working on in my life. It’s a constant battle that needs tender loving care at times but then it also needs some discipline at other times to keep it in check.