Take the Self Out of Self-Consciousness When You’re Networking
Been There … Sucked at It
It’s true, if you want to build a business you can’t get there without a network of people who know you and know what you can do. But for most of us, building a powerful network isn’t natural and they don’t teach it in school. In fact, it’s probably a truth that every one of us has had an experience of being the odd man out in a group. That memory can get in the way of making the connections we need to move forward and up, to find the people who love what we do.
I know I’ve been there and sucked the whole networking thing too.
Ah the memory not knowing what to do wasn’t nearly as bad as the feeling of that the whole room knew I was a lose who didn’t know how to “work” the room. I had too much “self” and not enough “conscious” in my self-consciousness.
What would happen if I changed my point of view. What if I dropped the “self” and just took the consciousness into the room?
Whether it’s a business dinner, a networking event, or a conference where the only one you know going in is you, these steps will help you bring your best consciousness into the room and get your mind off people looking at you.
- Do your homework. Before the event, know something about the event and group. Find out who started the gathering, what the event is meant to do, and what kind of people keep it going. You may find they have a lot in common with you. You also may find that this isn’t the right event for you.
- Dress for respect and to connect. We trust first the people who share our values. Dress as your best self in a ways that’s in tune with the group. Give them a chance to recognize you as someone who might “get” who they are. Save your wild lime green spandex for the events with the folks who know you or the events where spandex is on whole crew.
- Be a learner. Everyone loves to share share what they know. If you’re there to make business connections, bring an idea or question that will capture people’s attention. Invite them to offer ideas and suggestions. When people ask what you do, you might mention your business and then turn the conversation back by saying that you’re learning how to network with more confidence, do they have any advice for you?
- If you’re alone, walk up to a group. When two people are talking, it’s interrupting to try to join. But a group always has people at various levels of attention to the conversation. Find the least interested person in the group and approach with a question, “Mind if I join in? This group looks interesting.”
- Be curious. Make everything you say about the other people in the room. A wise man once told me “If you’re worried about people looking at you, look at them.” What he meant was to quit thinking about myself and focus on everyone else. Get curious about the people in the room. Make it your quest to know who they are, even if they never find out a thing about you.
Everyone likes an intelligent, interested person who gives us true attention.
We all like people who ask meaningful questions and listen to how we answer them.
I learned that being that person makes walking into a room of strangers easier to do.
So arm yourself with a question that means something to you and to the people in the room. And see how the experience changes when you take the self out of self-conscious and become truly conscious of the people in that room.
